Escúchame, No hablo español, but I would really like to

In an effort to stave off senility, I have decided to learn Spanish.   I took Spanish in high school (along with one year of Latin) and I also took some Spanish in college.  Sadly, nothing stuck other than knowing how to ask where the bathroom is.  I recently started listening to Pimlseur on my iPod.   I can now be seen on the subway semi-silently mouthing Spanish phrases. But here’s the problem.  The conversaciones are ridiculous.  It’s either a perverted sounding man trying to pick up la señorita Gómez or Maria asking Juan if he has any money. WTF?

May I suggest to Pimsleur that if they had more interesting  conversaciones I would be far more able to aprender español.  

Maria:   Hello Juan, do you have any pesos.   Hola Juan, ¿Tiene usted algunos pesos?

Juan:   No, I don’t have any pesos.  ¡No tengo un peso!

Maria:  Do you have any dollars?  ¿Tiene algún dólares?

Juan:  No I don’t have any dollars?   No, no tengo ningún dólares.

Maria:  Adiós

Seriously?     Now if the conversacion when more like this:

Maria (at the methadone clinica):  Juan,  do you have any pesos?  I really need a fix.  Juan, ¿tiene usted alguna de pesos? Realmente necesito un poco de heroína.

Juan:   Maria, I told you a million times, I’m not giving you any more pesos.   You better get clean or else.  María, te lo dije un millón de veces,  No te voy a dar un peso más!. …Será mejor que te limpies, si no…

Maria:  Don’t make me cut you!    No me haga que le corte!

See, NOW I can’t wait to habla me some español.    

Charlie, my old dog walking buddy who is now living up in Maine, once taught Spanish to prison guards at the Coxsackie prison correctional facility. I swear. I bet some of those phrases would be interesting to learn.   Oh well,  I can ask where the Hotel Columbus is like nobody’s business.   ¿Dónde está el Hotel Colón?

The above plate is an 8 inch square clear class plate with all of the decoupage done from underneath.  These are fun to do but very time consuming.